For the Love of God, do the French HATE THE INTERNET?

I have arrived in a desert. I wasteland. I have literally become a dried up raisin of a person. Unplugged from the lifeforce, abandoned by the community, cast out by my facebook and skype Karass...I am alone. Utterly and completely alone.
I live with two, very lovely, retired French people. They don't have a computer, or an internet connection. I cannot access the wifi at school until they give me a password and they wont give me the password until I have my ID card and I can't get my ID card until they take pictures...which are schedule for next week. There are no cafes within walking distance where it is acceptable to squat and scam off the free wifi. I don't even know if they exist. The mall is a short trek up the highway (a lenient term due to my distress) and closes, inconveniently, at 8pm.
As a last ditch, I have spent my weeks budget on a small USB device that should allow me to pluck a 3G signal from the air like a fresh glistening fruit of knowledge.
At a paltry 3,50 Euro (around $4,50) per hour, the internet, at my regular projected internet usage the grand average of $140 per week.

Current total allotted expenditures per week: $65 per week
Dammit.